The feeling of all alone....

Some times I feel so alone in this world. Like no one truely understands me and who I am. Least of all my family. Like I am an alien in the world. Like I am t0o harsh to thrive. Like people see this outside shell and think they know me or know whats best for me or that they dont think I know anything. But on the inside there is this world. My own private world which at times is my own private hell. This place full of pain. Full of self loathing. Full of failure. But at the same time a place filled with love for myself and an understanding of why I am who I am and why I do the things I do. A place the no one else has access to. A place that I don't want anyone to be able to see. Sometimes I am ashamed of this place. A place that is sooo full and yet sometimes feels like an empty black hole inside myself. A place that I feel like can be described in so many different ways.

I miss my mom. I miss the times we shared. I miss what I would have learned from her if she had lived. I feel like she would of given me a better understanding of who I am. Like looking in a mirror of myself for the future. I dont know anymore. The waves are churning in the place.I can choose to let them take me under or I can choose to swim out them and never look back.



I choose to swim!