An ache

I feel sometimes like I have been forgotten. Forgotten by God. Yes I know he never forgets us and I know hes always there and he does whats best for us but still. In the bible it says that God gives you the desires of your heart. You can take that two different ways. First is that what ever your heart desires God gives it to you or second that the very desire you have is a desire that God gave you. I think its more the second. So whats my desire?

To have a family. To have a husband and to have children of my own. I love kids, I love being around them but I want my own. Recently a friend of mine has started fostering a baby boy. I would love to do that. But I think a child needs to be brought into a whole home. One with a father and a mother not just a mother. So why do I have these desires? Why are they there if God didn't put them there? I an so frustrated at times I want to scream!!! NO one ever approaches me, no one asks me out, SHOOT no one even LOOKS my way!!!! How will I ever find someone and have a family if this is my life. I am 32 and the clock is ticking.

So its becomes and ache. An ache to have a family and ache to fulfill a desire. And the same stupid question comes to mind.....Whens it my turn God? When?

How bad do I want this?

This is a question that is going thru my head. How bad do I want to get healthy? How bad do I want to lose weight? How bad do I want to go snow boarding? How bad do I want it? I have went to a nutritionist. Paid $200 in fact but have I stopped eating like I do. A little! A little?!?!? I paid $200 and all i changed my habits so far is a little?!?!?!? So stupid!! I waste money. I waste time. I waste life. How bad do I want it? I want it and I am going to do it! I will I will I will I will!!!!