Nothing worth Fighting for is ever easy..

Simple as that...If its worth fighting for then fight for it, but don't expect it to be easy! But its worth it remember?

Let go of whats not mine

So yesterday I talked about the one...I am having trouble letting go of someone...and I have been reaching out to different people who I know will pray for me and encourage me in the things that are right...well one persons words struck me. She said Let go of that which is not mine. To fight for my walk with Christ. To fight for my future husband and children cause if I don’t then who will? I think what struck me the hardest was the let go of what’s not mine. He’s not mine and if he’s not then I am someone else’s and so is he and all we are doing is hurting ourselves and those people...some how some way I got to get him away and let him go...I am not sure if he knows this blog exist and I am not sure if he reads this.... I have nothing against him.... but I know that I know that I know that God is calling me away from him I just have to get the guts to cut the ties completely.... I will.... right now I am gonna seek the Lord with whatever I can cause I need him more and more and more.... please pray that God will give me strength

Thursday Thirteen

So now on a more upbeat note (had to put something good in here today!)

13 Things I am thankful for....

1. My faith in God...with out it I would not be where I am today...how do people live with out God in their lives?

2. My Niece and Nephew.... they bring so much joy to my life that it almost takes my breath away at time

3. My best friend Rachel...we have been thru it and back again and yet she’s still there. I have let her down in more way then I care to remember yet our relationship just seems to strengthen. God blessed me mightily the day I met her!

4. For my sisters. We have not always gotten along at times but over the last couple of years I have gotten closer to them both and they are truly a treasure to me!

5. For my job...with out God divine intervention I would never have found this job...he truly orchestrates things together...he started this orchestration way back when I was younger then 10. (Long story ask me about it sometime)

6. For my parents. They took me in to their family and made me one of their own. I didn’t choose them and they didn’t choose me...God choose us for each other...

7. For the entire Buckert family who continue all in their own way to encourage me almost daily. Whose example to me is priceless. Who loves me despite my down falls. Who help me in every way imaginable even when I have nothing to give back.

8. For my church. I have never been to a church that has so unconditionally loved me. I feel completely comfortable there and know that no matter what I am loved, accepted and forgiven!

9. For the roof I have over my head. Although I call it my hole in the wall (cause that’s what it is) I am very blessed to have it. Just another thing God orchestrated.

10. For my ability to just be me.... sounds funny I know BUT not everyone gets to be themselves. They hide behind things or are afraid to share cause then people might not like them and so on. Not to say I don’t hide thing at time. BUT God has given me the ability lots of times to be transparent and share my life so as to build others up.

11. For the fact that I can walk. There was a time a year ago when I could barely make it to the bathroom. The only way I made it there was to pray. God has truly healed me and for that I am very thankful!

12. Yes I saved God for last. Not because I thought of him last but because He and only Him is the hand that put it all together, the thread that holds all this together and the creator that loves me no matter where I am not matter what I have done and no matter how much I struggle...Thank you God for my life!

p.s. Just noticed I put God at the begining and the end.....I think its appropriate! One is MY faith in God and the other is just for God himself

The one...

So I sit here pondering. We have all heard the argument as to wether God has the one out there for us (for those of you who don’t know what the one is I am talking about your present/further spouse). Lately I don’t know what I think. I am 28 already and there doesn’t seem to be anyone...let me clarify there doesn’t seem to be anyone I WOULD consider God bring the one to me. There is a man who I can’t seem to get rid of. Now I have never seen Broke Back Mountain but one of the lines everyone quotes is "I just can’t quit you." That’s how I feel with this man. I went so far as to erase his number and erase him out of my life...was doing really well with it for a while then all at once he came back...slowly I added him back to my messengers...I put his number back in my phone and two nights ago I saw him. I don’t know what to think. What is it about him that I can’t seem to just let him go? I know what a certain friend of mine would say...You could do better. Yes I know I could but at present where is better? Ya some could say I just need to wait...but do you know how it feels to be 28 and still have no one...no you don’t cause most everyone I know either has someone or is married to that person already and is not even close to my age. I have two sisters...one who’s been married 5 years and had two kids. The other who has been married and divorced and who even now is in a relationship with a man she will probably marry. Then me the oldest, still with no one. With this over whelming desire to be married and have kids, but no one to do that with. Yes I do feel like God has forgotten me. Yes I know he hasn’t and know he hurts with me. I know he has perfect timing...but right now...I just don’t know...I feel this roller coaster lately going up and down...feeling one day to be happy and full of promise only for a few days later to be down in the dumps with no hope...maybe I am slightly manic depressant. Who knows? I will never know for sure...so is there really the one out there? Or do we make the best out of who we just fall for? Do we have a control over whom we fall for? Do we choose who we love? Sure if the person doesn’t reciprocate we move on...but when they do what are we to do about it?...lots of questions and no answer...this seems to be my life..........

Roller coaster

WOW this last week had been something else.... I haven’t been to church in over a week. For more then one reason, first off I have been having horrible headaches. I am not sure what this is due to.

1. Could be an attack to keep me out of church (but I am not one to find a demon behind every bush)
2. It could be that my back is out of alignment (I had a massage and it helped to have my back pop but it just seems the head aches are less sever)
3. It could be that I keep drinking massive amounts of caffeine cause I crave it then not drinking any at all and my body going off it.
4. It could be that my body is just plain toxified (yes I made that word up as far as I know but you get the point)

I really don’t know what the reason for the headaches are. I have no insurance to ask a doctor why but the bottom line is I am sick of being sick.... so this is just some of the dips on my roller coaster...I feel I am in this place again where I feel not good enough for God. Where I feel like I am never going to be able to break this stupid cycle I am in. Where I feel my sin is greater then God...whoa let me clarify...I KNOW that’s not the truth. I KNOW the truth...I KNOW God is bigger then anything in my life. But that doesn’t mean that in the bottom of this pit, that I seem to visit frequently, that I can apply those things to my life...I wish I had all this strength and will power...hence why I think God is taking me thru the bible study I am going thru to get some discipline in my life...we shall see if I am able to actually apply it and stick to it...God is good don’t get me wrong...its me that isn’t good. Me who is struggling with this world and cant seem to claw my way completely out of the dark...wow this sounds so down...not trying to be...just sharing the dark parts of me here...

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Jocalyn 1. I love God! 2. I hate liver! 3. Water is a good thing! 4. Black is a color!!! 5. I really really really want a black Tahoe! 6. I am lonely 7. I have two fish on my desk...A red betta and a purple's blue one. 8. I have found in the last year the turtle's fascinate me 9. I want to have kids of my own so bad that some times I think about going and just finding a babies daddy instead of waiting for a husband! (but I will never do that cause kids deserve a mom AND a dad!) 10. I hate hate hate living alone! 11. I love love love love to read! 12. I need to lose weight to be healthy because I am very unhealthy right now! 13. I love TEXAS

The Key!!

Do you ever feel like you have been missing something forever and suddenly realize that you have been given the key to unlock this whole new room that is filled with all this GREAT stuff? And then you suddenly that same exact key was given to you long ago but you didn't pay attention and you simply put the key on a shelf to get all dusty and rusty? OMG that is so how I feel right now. There has been many things in my life that I KNOW I need to get out. That I know I need to get rid of or I will never walk with the Lord the way he intended me to! SO you are asking me what is this key.....Its so simply it makes me feel stupid at times and I am just beginning my journey to learn about it!.......Its discipline.....So you say why is that such a revelation to me....Just is.....I had to look the word up to put it straight in my head......

Discipline: training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces a moral or mental improvement.

So how did I get to here? Well I am doing a bible study right now called....A woman's guide to personal discipline. I have prayed forever for a bible study that would allow me to grow and circumstances has put me in this place where I am doing this study. I just started it today and I only did the first lesson (there are 12) but I already feel a shifting....A destiny so to say...I am on my way to something here..........

Driving

SO today is another day! I want to share something with you all today that happened some time ago.....I was driving down the road going somewhere I shouldn't be going and praying which is funny when I think about it! But God was talking to me even tho I was deliberately doing something I shouldn't. I asked God why when I am knowingly sinning do you still speak to me and protect me? Before I could get the question out He said to me...Because you are my daughter and I love you. Ok so ya I knew that all along. I know I am a daughter of God..That I am born of a royal lineage...I know it all but at that moment it became so real to me! I thought of my own parents and how I had messed up time and again but did they ever turn their backs on me NO! Then I thought if my earthly parents can do that then how much more can God? No I didn't turn my car around and go home like I should of but I did feel God that night in a very strong and real way!

Sad day

This was originally post 3-14-06 on an old page.......So today is a sad day I have a funeral to go to here in about an hour. My cousin was supposed to have a new baby boy this week but last week found out the baby had died inside her. So today is the funeral. Man I cant even imagine what she must be going thru and the things that would be going thru her mind. But one thing that is very clear is this. God is in control of all things no matter how sad and horrible things are he has his reasons for doing it. My family is resting in the fact that God didn't make a mistake.

Anti-myspacers!!

OK so here it goes...I am gonna start this page and hopefully keep it up.....sense two people I really care about have these and not myspaces you have to accomdate them too LOL :P But I have a lot of time on my hands so this should go good...at least till summer comes.

Starting over..

On my old page there was something wrong with it that was driving me NUTS! So here we go again and I think I have it just the way I want it ;)