Roller coaster

WOW this last week had been something else.... I haven’t been to church in over a week. For more then one reason, first off I have been having horrible headaches. I am not sure what this is due to.

1. Could be an attack to keep me out of church (but I am not one to find a demon behind every bush)
2. It could be that my back is out of alignment (I had a massage and it helped to have my back pop but it just seems the head aches are less sever)
3. It could be that I keep drinking massive amounts of caffeine cause I crave it then not drinking any at all and my body going off it.
4. It could be that my body is just plain toxified (yes I made that word up as far as I know but you get the point)

I really don’t know what the reason for the headaches are. I have no insurance to ask a doctor why but the bottom line is I am sick of being sick.... so this is just some of the dips on my roller coaster...I feel I am in this place again where I feel not good enough for God. Where I feel like I am never going to be able to break this stupid cycle I am in. Where I feel my sin is greater then God...whoa let me clarify...I KNOW that’s not the truth. I KNOW the truth...I KNOW God is bigger then anything in my life. But that doesn’t mean that in the bottom of this pit, that I seem to visit frequently, that I can apply those things to my life...I wish I had all this strength and will power...hence why I think God is taking me thru the bible study I am going thru to get some discipline in my life...we shall see if I am able to actually apply it and stick to it...God is good don’t get me wrong...its me that isn’t good. Me who is struggling with this world and cant seem to claw my way completely out of the dark...wow this sounds so down...not trying to be...just sharing the dark parts of me here...